I am really in love with ryan jay
he makes my heart swell up and burst open into small sparks and bits of light that singe and sink up like they are smoldering and he fills my stomach with bumble bees and hornets, buzzing and humming and colliding into my belly button and the tips of my ribs and he splits my smile wide open with my jagged teeth showing like some sunlight coming in through the blinds
everything is a song and the hard parts are only the gaps between words
dancing to Don McLean with the TV muted and the music real loud
and in a month’s time I’ll be making a new home with my love
and in boxes and boxes I’ll bring everything I’ve got
my words and ideas and socks and shoes and sparks and kisses and hugs and high hopes
and in boxes and boxes he’s got his too
his jokes and innovations and pride and jeans and furniture and hands and arms and high hopes
and it will be a sum of our parts
in a room with a balcony connected to a kitchen and a living room and a washing machine and a dryer
and carpets and tile floors and a sink and a bath tub
and counter tops, a staircase, a place for a bed and our clothes
and our dresser and our kitchen table and our high hopes
and a home, with all of its parts, with all of our parts
because we went from 2,900 miles between our bodies to absolutely none
how divine, to fall in love with someone
again and again
and to make a god damn home
I am so happy
I don’t even know how to write it out
I don’t but I’ll try.
We kiss in our sleep a lot
Somehow our lips find each other,
Collide into each other,
In the dark
It’s safe to say we are a flame.
Time has given us much more than a spark, an ember, a soft glow
We’ve earned our fire and it has caught hold.
So we take that flame and we swallow it whole
leaving soft plumes of smoke between our teeth
(firebreather, cotton mouth)
And we keep the flame kindled in the swell of our chests
Right there in the center where it flickers and beats
Though we are seared, singed and charred
It’s the softest of scars that make beauty marks,
and we are beautiful all over, blistered and new
glowing from the inside out
We will never stop sweltering in the blazing heat
a stroke of unbelievable, overwhelming and unprecedented luck
a breath and then another
and you.
six and a half hours
tomorrow
please stop pushing
I miss
